Taking the First Issue 3: What Really Pisses Me Off
12.19.05
In an opinion column, it is customary to write about one topic per issue. However, right now, There are a lot of things that have started to annoy me. So, I'm going to write about more than one issue, because I can.
Let's start with being Politically Correct. Since when is it wrong to wish someone a Merry Christmas? Now, all people say is, "Happy Holidays." Yeah, Happy Holidays to you too, you insecure freak. It's like everyone suddenly decided that they were either too insecure to and scared to let anyone know their religion, or lack thereof; or they decided it makes them seem like an accepting person to wish everyone a generally good time. Jackie Mason, comedian, is quoted as saying, "Rappers are singing songs about killing everybody in the streets, and it's protected. But if, God forbid, you say "Merry Christmas," "Ho, ho, ho," a whole fight breaks out." How true. He goes on to say, "anybody who sees it and decides you must call it a holiday tree should be put in a sanitarium." Get over it, there are people who celebrate Christmas, people who celebrate Hanukkah, people who celebrate Kwanza, people who honor Ramadan, and people who observe the Winter Solstice. So wish them their holidays accordingly, but cut out this Happy Holidays crap. Stay Home
Speaking of people staying home, what's up with them not doing it? I can't go anywhere anymore without having to push through a huge croud of people. Haven't people ever heard of shopping online? You don't even have to stand up. I went to CompUSA to get my new G15, and the trains were crouded, the store was crouded, and the only G15 they had was in the Hard Drive section. All the movies are sold out, I have to wait for the next bus, and I can't get pictures of trees. Shop online, people.
To everyone on the buses and trains, here's a bit of advice: Don't scroll through every ring tone you have in public places. It is the most annoying thing you could do. What amazes me is that not only do people do it, but they are completely oblivious that anyone else is pissed off. Because you can't be bothered to shut off the sound and notice what's around you, I've compiled a list of the Top 5 places not to go through your ring tones.
5. In a waiting room.
Seriously. We're all trying to sit quietly, pretending no one else exists, and here you are, making all this noise. Shut up. Can't you read a magazine like everyone else?
4. In a public bathroom
I don't care how loud your taking a dump is, don't block it out with your ring tones. No one wants to hear it, so turn it off. I prefer to piss in peace, thank you very much.
3. On a bus.
A bus seats what, 40, 50 people? subract 1 from that, and that's how many people you're pissing off. Then add one because the bus driver counts too. And you wonder why old ladies hate cell phones? It's because you keep listening to your stupid ring tones when they're trying to sit.
2. On a train.
At least on a bus, there are windows to look out and see something nice in an attempt to block your cacaphony out. But not on a train, no, here there is nothing to see.
1. In a theater
I have no words for people who do it in the theater.
While I'm on the topic of being pissed off, I have to mention that letter-writing campaigns don't work. President Bush doesn't read your postcards, he doesn't know how. And the government of Darfur doesn't speak english, so those postcards won't work either. Give your money to real charities, or find a homeless person and give him twenty bucks, he'll be happy, I promise.